I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to have your abortion
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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