I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
