well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
