he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
