If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
