hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
