the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
