I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please don't give away my fajitas
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
