I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
