Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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