I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
