I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
