Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
