just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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