Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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