i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
