whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
