He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
someone owes me an orgasm
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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