I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
