party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
