At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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