i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
