Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
