he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
