pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize