Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
