Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
