I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
