I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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