I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
