it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
