I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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