When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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