It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
