i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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