At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
