i think i have two assholes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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