He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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