What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
