omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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