A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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