no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
