You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
