I love black thongs
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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