i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
