No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
