Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
