o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
