I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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