Michael Bay diarrhea
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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