then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
