im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
