I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
