Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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