I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am available for nakedness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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