He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
