im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
