Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dick very happy bro
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
