WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
