the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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