ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
