do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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