On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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