I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize