I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
