Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
