I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
