I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
