Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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