I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
