The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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