I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
