that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
